Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
