I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
