I want to have your abortion
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
