So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
