I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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