"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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