Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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