The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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