if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
