I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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