I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
