I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
