That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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