apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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