I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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