She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
