I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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