my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
