I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
