this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
