In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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