In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
