I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
