she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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