You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
