dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize