Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
