You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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