I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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