Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
