hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The feeling are messing with the penis
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
