Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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