i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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