I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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