1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
this boner is exhausting
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
