It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
