How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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