Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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