I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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