I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
