Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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