He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
