I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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