you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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