just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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