hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
