i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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