I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
