Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
