I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
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Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
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I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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