She is in my trunk
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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