I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
