ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
