I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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