Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How external is "for external use only"?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
