GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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