are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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