I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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