DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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