your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
