I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
