I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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