Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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