Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
