they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
