It's Friday. Sex?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
