i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
