Your face is a jimmy john
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
