So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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