I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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