I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
