Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
