pop tarts are not kleenex
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
