distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
