U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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