I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
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I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
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Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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