youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
