So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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