dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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