I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
