What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Randomize
